The...Princess-Bride
by Marduk42
Summary: An adaptation of S. Morgenstern's classic tale of love and adventure (Daiken, Taitoish hints, Takari, and a very weird Miyako). Chapter 5 (epilogue) added, with a trivia contest!
1. The...Bride

The, er...Princess Bride  
  
by -------  
  
Adapted from a novel by S. Morgenstern; abridged by William Goldman  
  
***  
  
Before I begin this, I would like to apoligize profusely to any die-hard fans of Mr. Morgenstern's (no smart-mouthed comments about the author in the review) classic novel of true love and adventure. This idea came to me, and they have a habit of staying with me until I write them. I have a definate warning. The part of Buttercup will be played by Ichijouji Ken, and that of Wesley by Motimoya Daisuke. It is rated PG13 for an evil Miyako, Sora, and Koushiro (I just had to make him Vizzini), a senile Jyou, exaggeration of Taichi's intelligence, or lack thereof, several swears by Ishida Yamato (he's depressed, violent, and has a weird relationship with his partner), and Iori as a bishop. Please bear in mind I have tried to keep this somewhat canon (to the Princess Bride, NOT Digimon), but it won't be perfect. However, please enjoy, and if you are Florinese and object to this defilement of a national treasure, please keep flames civil.  
  
***  
  
Daisuke tossed and turned in his sleep. He knew those burritos were a mistake after that American movie. How did Ken convince him to watch "The Princess Bride?" Well, that was obvious, but he still couldn't believe his koi had made him watch that weird movie.  
  
'But you were the one who ate fifteen beef burritos!' And then he fell asleep, and the dream began...  
  
***  
  
Ken lived on his family's farm, and his two favorite hobbies were riding his horse, and taunting the farm boy that lived in a small shack on the outskirts of the farm.  
  
"Farm boy, shine my horse's saddle."  
  
"As you wish." 'As you wish' was all he ever said to Ken, but he never meant that. Whenever he said 'as you wish,' he really meant, 'I love you.' For although Daisuke was exuberant, outgoing, courageous, and caring, he couldn't tell Ken how much he loved him; or rather, not in so many words. Ken was an introverted person, but he held an inner kindness, and a spiritual beauty that drew others to him. But he never noticed these people, until the day he realized he loved Daisuke as well. He was ordering the other man about, and when Daisuke responded,  
  
"As you wish," Ken realized the true meaning of the statement. And he realized he felt the same. He looked Daisuke in the eye, and made him drop the trifle he was bearing to Ken.  
  
"Daisuke, do you mean it?" he asked, knowing the other would know his meaning. Daisuke nodded once, and Ken smiled at him. "Then so do I." They were happy together, and often would end the day watching the sunset together, not necessarily talking, for they needed no words. However, Daisuke had no money; he decided to travel to America to seek his fortune, and return when he could support the two of them. The parting was short, because they had both agreed that prolonged good-byes were more painful than short ones. And so the day came that Daisuke left, and Ken watched the sun alone. But after a short period of moping, he decided that he was getting nothing accomplished that way, and that instead, he would be glad that he had found love. He became the jewel of the villiage, a star among them that all adored. His love made him shine, and the radiance touched others as well. And so, when the news came, that off the coast of the Carolinas, Daisuke's ship was attacked by pirates, they were all shocked. Normally, they would have held hope for the man so obviously in love, but the ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Gennai, who never took prisoners. Ken receded into his room, and neither ate nor slept for days. When he emerged, he had found only one way to handle his grief. He was no longer the shining man, the kind person. He was cold, emotionless, and he blocked himself off from anyone. He had made himself one promise to never suffer grief again.  
  
"I will never love again."  
  
***  
  
By and by, three years passed. And Princess Miyako of Florin had gathered her people in Florin City for the presentation of her spouse-to-be. She stood on a balcony in front of her parents, King Jyou, a senile old man slowly receding from health, and her mother, Queen Mimi, a kind old woman who was fighting old age to the death.  
  
"My people, in three weeks, Florin will have existed for 500 years. Before the celebration, I will marry a man who will become your next king. He was once a commoner like yourselves, but perhaps you will not find him so common now. I give you the Prince...Ken!" There was a fanfare, and Ken stepped out among the people. They reached out touch his hand, or just stared at him. Miyako smiled to herself, staring at the beautiful man. His beauty, his modesty, the radiance of kindness he had placed around himself again, all made them love him. It would all be too perfect when her plans came to fruition. She smiled as she watched him return, his blue clothing and cape swishing after him. But no one noticed the man in black standing in the corner of the square, his eyes cold, cruel, and his face hidden by a mask of cloth.  
  
***  
  
Ken closed his eyes briefly, allowing the wind of the forest to run across his face. He was still riding his horse every afternoon, just as Princess Miyako went hunting as often as possible. Suddenly, he heard a noise, and stopped to stare at three men standing by the side of the road. One was tall, athletically muscular, dressed in comfortable black, and wore an exquisite sword on his side. His blond hair was perfectly styled, and his blue eyes wore a haunted expression. The second, a brunette, was slightly shorter, and held a slightly heavier build, but somehow radiated a strength far beyond his appearance. The third, a redhead, was incredibly short, and his eyes were constantly darting about. It was he who spoke to Ken first.  
  
"Pardon me, sir, but we are poor, lost circus travelers. We had heard there is a village nearby." Ken frowned, and shook his head.  
  
"I'm sorry; you must have been mistaken. There are no people for miles." The redhead grinned, and snapped his fingers.  
  
"Then there will be no one to hear you scream." The hideous laugh was the last thing he heard before the brunette pressed his fingers against a pressure point.  
  
***  
  
Please tell me how you like this, or I won't continue! Well, maybe I will, but I'd really like feedback. 


	2. The Kidnapping: Enter the Pirate

Part II: The Kidnapping  
OR  
Swords, Rocks, and Poisoned Wine  
OR  
Enter the Pirate  
  
Hello again. It's me with the second part. This part is less Daiken because, as indicated in the last chapter, Daisuke is dead (Note to worried reader: this is NOT a Miyaken). There is, however, some Taitoish moments, and please be wary of Koushiro; he's downright insane. Another note: the first person to tell me (in the review) how many times Vizzini says 'Inconceivable' in the movie "The Princess Bride," I will write them a Kensuke/Daiken fic of their description, as long as it's not a lemon. Thank you, and proceed.  
  
***  
  
"What in the world are you doing, Koushiro?" The redhead glared at the blond before returning to his action.  
  
"I'm ripping up a uniform of a Guilderian soldier. I'll attach it to the prince's horse, and send it back to the castle. Miyako, the suspicious little bitch she is, will think that the Guilderians have abducted her fiancé, and when they find him dead on the frontier, there will be a full-scale war! Bwa-HAHAHAHA!" There was an uncomfortable silence, and then the brunette spoke up.  
  
"You know, I don't think it's right to just kill someone so defenseless." Koushiro whirled on him.  
  
"Am I mad, or did the word THINK escape your lips? *I* am the brains of this operations, and you are the muscle. You are this legendary creature of strength, but you are not smart! You're nothing without me! Do you want to go back to where you were-unemployed in GREENLAND!? And you-" He turned on the brunette, enraged. "You were wandering around the bars of Europe, too drunk to buy BRANDY! I don't care that you're the best swordsman in the world, I should just leave you both here and get new lackies!" The brunette looked after Koushiro sadly.  
  
"He doesn't mean that, does he, Yamato?" The blond shook his head.  
  
"No, Taichi, he's just upset. It's like sarcasm." Taichi nodded, and wrapped his arm around Yamato.  
  
"But even if he is serious, we'll still have each other, right?" Yamato smiled.  
  
"Sure."  
  
***  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Yamato glanced at Koushiro from the tiller.  
  
"I was watching to make sure no one was following us," he responded. Koushiro stormed to the back of the boat, fuming.  
  
"There is no way anyone could be following us. No one is Guilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here that fast. The idea is absolutely and utterly inconceivable." There was a pasue. "Out of curiousity, why do you ask?" Yamato grinned sardonically at the midget.  
  
"I just happened to look behind us, and saw a ship there."  
  
"What!? Inconceivable!" Koushiro stared back and saw black sails following them. "It's probably just a local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise-in eel-infested waters. He's no concern of-" SPLASH! Ken had loosened his bonds, and was making a swim for it. "Idiots! Go after him!"  
  
"I can't swim," Yamato stated flatly.  
  
"I only doggie-paddle," Taichi said brightly. Koushiro screamed at them, and then ran for the side of the boat.  
  
"Turn left! No, the OTHER LEFT! AFTER HER!!!" Ken was swimming strongly in the channel, but a strange screeching echoed in the water. "Do you know what that sound is, your highness? Those are the shrieking eels. They are carnivorous creatures that always grow louder just before they feed on human flesh." The screams *were* growing louder, and Ken began to panic. "If you swim back now, I promise you won't be hurt until we give you a painless death on the frontier. You won't get such an offer from the eels." Suddenly, the water boiled, and Ken froze as the hungry mouth of an eel shot towards him.  
  
***  
  
A/N: I will note that Ken does not get eaten by the eels at this point. People often get worried at this point, and so I reiterate: Ken does not get eaten by the eels.  
  
***  
  
A hand shot down and slammed into the eel's head. The creature fell away, and the same hand pulled Ken from the water by his collar.  
  
"Put him down!" Taichi dropped Ken on the deck of the ship, and Yamato handed him a blanket. Koushiro leered at the blue-haired man. "You think that was brave? It was very stupid, and I wouldn't advise doing it again." Ken nodded, and Koushiro turned to the front of the boat.  
  
"He's gotten closer."  
  
"What? Inconceivable!"  
  
***  
  
Koushiro laughed, staring at the boat behind him.  
  
"He's too late for us! See?! The Cliffs of Insanity!" The cliffs rose for a thousand feet, sheer and trecherous. "No one can go up our way, so he'll have to look for a port, and by that time..." At that point, the ship bumped against the rock. "Disembark! And Taichi, get ready to climb!" The brunette walked to the cliff, where a rope hung from the top. Yamato ushered everyone off the boat, and sunk it. Then, he tied them all together, and Taichi began to climb. He was a thin person, but he was deceptively strong. He was renowned for his strength, and the name of Yagami Taichi could strike fear into anyone's heart (Not really, but Taichi had always liked the sound of that). Taichi was the only man alive who could haul himself 1000 feet up a rope, much less with three passengers. And so he was three hundred feet up the rope when the other boat reached the cliffs, and the passenger leapt onto the rope as well.  
  
"He's climbing the rope," Yamato pointed out.  
  
"Inconceivable! Climb *faster,* you dolt!"  
  
"Koushiro, I'm going as fast as I can."  
  
"Do you want me to find a new strong man? I've heard wonderful things about a giant from Hungary."  
  
"You don't mean that, do you?" Taichi, while protesting with Koushiro, was climbing faster than before, and was six hundred feet up. The passenger, a man dressed all in black, was two hundred feet up.  
  
"You were the strongest man in the world, this great legendary THING, and yet he gains! After all, I could just leave you here!" Taichi shuddered, and sped up a little more. There was one thing in the world he feared, and that was abandonment. But he wasn't *that* worried. If Koushiro abandoned him, he knew Yamato would stay with him. He knew that no matter what, Yamato wouldn't leave him alone.  
  
"But I'm carrying three people, and he's only got himself."  
  
"No excuses!" Taichi was eight hundred feet, and the man in black five. Now Taichi was eight-fifty, and the man in black had climbed six hundred feet. Nine hundred feet, and the man in black was only three hundred from the top. Nine-twenty, and the man was seven-fifty from the bottom. Nine-forty, and the man in black was eight hundred. No matter how fast he climbed, the man in black gained. But suddenly, they were at the top, and Koushiro leapt for the rock the rope was tied around. He pulled out a knife as the others scrambled for a safe spot. With the man a hundred feet from the top, the rope began to fray. Koushiro sawed harder, and the man was eighty feet away. The second-to-last strand snapped, and the man was fifty feet away. Forty feet from the top, the rope snapped, and all thousand-plus feet from the rock to the bottom fell. Koushiro laughed, and Ken felt a twinge in his chest. For a moment, it seemed he would be rescued. But these immoral men were going to kill him. Oh well, he would simply join his Daisuke.  
  
"He's dead, and now we can go-what are you doing, Ishida?" Yamato had walked to the side of the cliff, and looked over.  
  
"He's climbing."  
  
"What?!" Koushiro hurried to the blond's side, and looked for himself. The man in black was slowly, but surely, climbing the sheer rock face. "Inconceivable!"  
  
"You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means." Koushiro turned bright red, and stormed to Taichi.  
  
"You-carry him! And Yamato, wait here. If he falls, he dies. But if he makes it to the top, the sword." Yamato nodded grimly.  
  
"I will do it left-handed." Koushiro looked like he wanted to cry. "It will be too easy otherwise."  
  
"Fine, fine! Come on, *Tai.*" Taichi waited a moment, and placed a concerned hand on Yamato's shoulder.  
  
"Be careful, Yamato. Men in masks cannot be trusted." And they were off.  
  
***  
  
"Is there any way you could hurry up?" The man in black glared up at him.  
  
"If you want to help, throw down a rope! Otherwise, be quiet!" There was a moment of silence.  
  
"I do have a rope, but you will not accept my help, as I am only waiting around to kill you." The man grunted.  
  
"Then just leave me alone, all right?"  
  
"Is there any way I could make you trust me? I could give you my word as a Spaniard."  
  
"No good...I've known too many Spaniards." Suddenly, Yamato's face became solemn.  
  
"I swear by the sword of my father, Ishida Takeshi, you will reach the top alive." The man in black was quiet for a moment, and then,  
  
"All right. Give me the rope."  
  
***  
  
The man in black reached the top, and stood up, pulling out his sword.  
  
"No, no, I'll wait until you're ready." The man in black sighed, and sat down.  
  
"Thank you." Yamato looked at the man's hand, and asked,  
  
"Do you have six fingers on your right hand?"  
  
"Is this how you begin conversations, because it's certainly an odd question."  
  
"My father was slaughtered by a six-fingered noble. I never knew his name, nor his face, but he came to my father, asking for a sword with which he could fight. My father slaved for a year, and when it was complete, the six-fingered man returned, and tried to take the sword-at one-tenth the promised price. My father refused, and the man drew a sword and slashed him through the heart. He turned to leave, but I challlenged him, with the six-fingered sword. He won, but let me live. Instead, he gave me this...and this." There were two scars running down his cheeks, bright against his skin. "And now I have dedicated my life to finding and killing this man. When I find him, I will say: 'Hello, my name is Ishida Yamato. You killed my father. Prepare to die.'"  
  
"Well, I hope you find him some day." The man in black stood, and drew his sword. "Well, let's get to it." Yamato drew his sword, the six-fingered weapon, and took a pose.  
  
"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you." The man in black sighed.  
  
"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die." And they clashed swords.  
  
***  
  
"Inconceivable! He couldn't have beaten Yamato!" Taichi stared in astonishment at the man in black. He felt very alone. If the man in black had beaten Yamato, that meant he was...dead. "Give him to me. Wait here for the man in black. When he arrives, hit his head with a rock. Bash his head in. Make sure he's dead, got it?" Taichi nodded, and watched Koushiro run off.  
  
"It doesn't seem like a very sportsmanlike plan."  
  
***  
  
The man in black reached a canyon, and was walking through a narrow gap in the rocks when a small boulder nearly smashed his head. He whipped out his sword, and saw the thin brunette holding another large rock in his hands.  
  
"Hi, my name's Taichi, and I'm here to kill you."  
  
"So what are we supposed to do?"  
  
"I put down my rock, you put down your sword, and we face each other as God intended." The man in black almost laughed at that, but responded,  
  
"So we abandon our weapons and try to kill each other like civilized people?" There was a nod, and the man in black abandoned his sword. "All right." He launched himself at Taichi, who stoo firm as 155 pounds of muscle ran into him.  
  
"Pretty good, man in black. Why do you wear a mask?" The man in black backed up for another run. "wWre you disfigured by acid?" THUMP! Taichi didn't move.  
  
"No, I just think they're comfortable. I think everyone'll be wearing them soon. Besides, I don't want you knowing who I am! How are you so strong?"  
  
"I don't know. It's natural. I don't even practice that much." Taichi made a grab for the man in black, but the man was too quick. He suddenly remembered something. He was fighting as if there were many people there, and there was only the man in black. He tried to recall how to fight just one person, but there was a weight against his neck. Taichi might have been strong, but he couldn't live without air. Before he slipped completely into unconsciousness, he thought,  
  
'I'm coming, Yamato, please wait for me...'  
  
***  
  
"There was a hell of a duel. They were both masters." Miyako stepped lightly in the footprints. "It ranged all over, but there was little blood. However, it ended, and the loser went off that way, alone. The winner went towards Guilder." Beside her, the Countess Sora asked,  
  
"Should we follow both of them?"  
  
"No! Only the winner matters." She began her horses at a trot from the top of the cliff. "There will be great suffering in Guilder if he dies!"  
  
***  
  
"And so it down to you, and it is down to me," Koushiro quipped smugly. He sat at a flat rock, with a small meal set out. Ken sat next to him, blindfolded, and with a sword to his neck. The man in black stepped closer, and Koushiro pressed the sowrd harder against a vein.  
  
"Don't come closer."  
  
"Let me explain-" the man in black began, but he was cut off.  
  
"There's nothing to explain! You're trying to take what I've rightfully stolen."  
  
"There must make an arrangement-"  
  
"There will be no arrangement, and you're killing him!" The man in black froze.  
  
"Then we're stuck here."  
  
"Yes." Koushiro laughed. "I can't compete with your strength, and you're no match for my brains!" The man smiled.  
  
"You're that smart?"  
  
"Have you ever heard of Aristotle, Socrates, Einstein? MORONS!"  
  
"Then I offer a battle of the wits."  
  
"For the prince?" Nod. "To the death?!" Nod. "I accept!"  
  
"Then pour the wine!" The man in black sat down, and pulled a vial from his clothes. "Inhale this, but do not touch." Koushiro did so, and then shrugged. "What you do not smell is iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, and dissolves instantly in liquid. It is the deadliest poison known to man." Koushiro's eyes lit up. Then the man in black snatched two goblets of wine. When he returned them to the table, he was smiling. "And the game begins. Where is the poison? The game ends when you choose and we drink, and we find out who has won, and who is dead."  
  
"That's it? All I have to do is divine what I know of you in order to see, would you put the poisoon in your own glass or in your opponent's? Now, you couldn't have put the poison in my glass, because only a great fool would reach for what he was given, so I obviously cannot choose the wine in front of you. But, you know I am not a great fool, so I cannot choose the wine in front of me."  
  
"Are you finished?"  
  
"Not remotely! Now, iocane powder comes from Australia, and Australia is populated by criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I cannot choose the wine in front of you!"  
  
"Truly, you have a dizzying intellect."  
  
"Wait till I get started! Now, where was I?"  
  
"Australia."  
  
"Right! You knew I'd know the poison's origin, so I cannot choose the wine in front of me! You bested Taichi, which must mean you are strong, so you might rely on your strength to save you, so I clearly cannot choose the wine in front of you! However, you've bested my Spaniard, so you must have studied, and in studying, you learned that man is mortal, and so you'd put the wine as far away from you as possible, so I can't choose the wine in front of me!" The man appeared worried.  
  
"You're stalling, trying to make me give something away."  
  
"You're too late! You've given it *all* away!"  
  
"Then choose!"  
  
"I will, just as soon as-What in the world could THAT be?" The man in black whirled around, staring behind him.  
  
"I don't see anything."  
  
"Oh, well, it's nothing. Let's drink, you from my glass, you for yours." Koushiro was giggling.  
  
"What's so funny?"   
  
"I'll tell you in a minute." They raised their glasses, and drank. After putting down his glass, the man in black said,  
  
"You guessed wrong."  
  
"You only THINK I guessed wrong! I switched the glasses! You fell for one of the oldest blunders. The best known is 'Don't get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less known is 'NEVER GO UP AGAINST A SICILIAN WHEN *DEATH* IS ON THE LINE! Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! BWA-" There was a small thud, and Koushiro never spoke again. The man in black untied the blindfold frm Ken's eyes.  
  
"To think, all the time the poison was in your glass?" The man shook his head.  
  
"It was in both glasses. I've always been somewhat resistant to poison; I hoped the iocane wouldn't affect me..." There was a silent moment, and then the man in black dragged up Ken by the arm. "Come with me."  
  
***  
  
"Someone has beaten a strong man...and the prince is alive, or WAS, an hour ago. If he is otherwise when I find him, I shall be very put out."  
  
***  
  
"Sit down and rest." Ken fell onto a rock, and glared at the man in black.  
  
"Miyako will find you, and you will suffer." The man smiled.  
  
"Your love will not find me; but even if she does, it does not matter."  
  
"I never said I loved her!" Ken's eyes radiated pure pain, and the man in black smiled.  
  
"You admit you don't love your fiancé...not capable of love, you mean." Ken stared in disbelief.  
  
"I have loved more deeply than you can ever imagine. However, it...didn't go well." Ken reeled as the man in black slapped him.  
  
"That's the punishment for lying your highness, and remember to not say such ridiculous things anymore."  
  
"Your cruelty reveals everything. You're the Dread Pirate Gennai. Admit it!"  
  
"With pleasure," Gennai said with a bow. "What can I do for you?"  
  
"You can DIE! You killed my love!" Gennai smiled patronizingly.  
  
"It's possible. I kill a lot of people. Was this love another princess, rich and haughty?"  
  
"No, he was poor, kind, and perfect. He wasn't the brightest, or even especially handsome by normal standards, but I loved him." Ken's eyes bore into Gennai. "He had chocolate eyes, and cinnamon hair, and a radiant beauty that you can never understand."  
  
"I think I remember this love of yours. He died well, no pleading or begging. He only said 'please, please let me live.' And then he spoke of a love of unsurpassed beauty, loyalty, and kindness. Loyalty! Did you get engaged right away when you heard about him or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?!" Ken stood up, eyes burning.  
  
"You mock my pain!" Gennai smiled.  
  
"Life *is* pain, your highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."  
  
"I died that day, and you can too!" He shoved the Dread Pirate Gennai, and the man fell down the slope into a ravine. And there was a faint cry from the falling man.  
  
"Asssss.....youuu......wisssshhh...." Ken stared.  
  
"Daisuke?" He tried to hurry after him, but slipped, and fell down the slope after his lover.  
  
***  
  
Part 2 is at an end, and I'll get to work on part 3 soon! Enjoy! 


	3. The Fire Swamp

The...Princess Bride  
  
Part III: The Fire Swamp  
OR  
Roberts' Secret  
OR  
Flame Jets and Snow Sand and Rodents, Oh My!  
  
***  
  
Part 3 is here, with the lovely little sojourn into the FIRE SWAMP! And please understand that there's enough flames in this chapter, so please don't add your own. And, isn't everyone so happy that Daisuke isn't dead? I hope you are. Anyway, before I start rambling (yes, I know, too late for that), here is part III of The...Princess Bride.  
  
***  
  
"Daisuke, my love...what happened?" Daisuke smiled at the blue-haired man laying on top of him.  
  
"Why didn't you wait for me?" Ken stared at him, bewildered.  
  
"Well, you were dead."  
  
"Death can't stop love, Ken. It can only delay it for a while. And I know that when I left you, I thought I loved you. But now, that we are reuntied, I know I love you more than any person can for another." After several light kisses, they stood up from the canyon floor, making sure they weren't seriously injured. And Ken spoke.  
  
"I will never doubt again."  
  
"There will never be a need."  
  
***  
  
Miyako stood staring at the rock, holding a vial to her nose.  
  
"Iocane. I'd bet my life on it. And there, Ken's footprints lead towards the canyon. In fact, they are headed right into the Fire Swamp. We will follow them."  
  
***  
  
Daisuke laughed and pointed at the canyon top.  
  
"Your fiancée comes too late, my dearest! Just a few more steps, and we will be safe in the fire swamp!" Ken opened his mouth, about to protest the extreme contradiction in terms, when the horses of Miyako's search party were bearing down on their route. However, the two lovers plunged into the Fire Swamp moments before Miyako could reach them.  
  
"We'll never survive," Ken pleaded as they exited the canyon. Daisuke laughed mockingly at the statement.  
  
"You only say that because no one ever has!"  
  
***  
  
I will take this oppurtunity to make a note about the Fire Swamp. The Guilder/Florin Fire Swamp, unlike normal fire swamps, was a place that no person would ever enter willingly. The flame jets caused by explosions of gas were particularly frequent, and the presence of lightening sand made the journey especially treacherous. But the true terror of the Fire Swamp were the ROUS's, creatures with voracious appetites and a sharklike lust for blood. When they frenzied, no one would stand against them. It should be noted that when Ken and Daisuke entered the Fire Swamp, Daisuke made the comment,  
  
"It's really not that bad." After a glare from his lover, he continued, "It's not like I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are quite lovely." And so, let us join them...  
  
***  
  
Ken leapt down from a tree root, followed by Daisuke, whose hand he had not released since the canyon. Suddenly, a popping noise filled the area, and a moment later, a jet of flame set Ken's pants on fire. Daisuke worked quickly to smother the flames, and then smiled at Ken.  
  
"Are you okay?" Ken nodded. "That was an adventure, now, wasn't it?" They continued, wary of the bursts of fire.  
  
***  
  
Ken stepped over some dead leaves, and Daisuke followed him. When the popping began, Ken pulled Daisuke towards him, and the fire erupted where he had been standing.  
  
"I've got a question," Ken began. "How can you be the Dread Pirate Gennai when you only left me three years ago, and Gennai's been marauding for twenty?" Daisuke smiled.  
  
"It's one of life's little quirks. What I told you before is true, the please intrigued Gennai, and he decided to let me live. Except, he took me on as his valet. However, he kept telling me I'd die the next morning. It was 'Good night, Daisuke, I had a wonderful day, I'll most liekly kill you in the morning.' I took to learning everything I could, and Gennai and I became friends. So one day, he told me the secret of his position.  
  
'I am not Gennai. My name was Michael. Neither was the man I inherited the boat from. The real Gennai is retired and living in Jamaica. The secret is in the name.' After all, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Daisuke! So, he decided to retire, and let off his sailors. And then we took a new crew, with him as the first mate, and he called *me* Gennai. However, now that I've found you again, I will retire and pass the name on to someone else." Ken nodded, or would have, except he stepped right into a patch of lightening sand. Lightening sand is deadly because it is the finest grade of sand possible, so that one falls forever in it, and dies of asphyxiation. There is very little material on it, so its presence came as quite a surprise. However, before Ken had even disappeared, Daisuke cut a vine with his sword and leapt in after his love.  
  
***  
  
"We will circle around the Fire Swamp and meet those two when they emerge. There is no way that kidnapper will escape me!"  
  
***  
  
Daisuke pulled himself from the sand, and dragged Ken after him. The two lay next to each other on the forest floor, coughing and sputtering. Ken, never having been an optimist, said,  
  
"We'll never make it. We'll die in the wretched place." Daisuke pulled him up, smiling warmly.  
  
"But Ken, we've already made it! What are the three dangers of the Fire Swamp? The flame bursts? We know how to avoid those; there's a popping noise before each burst. The Lightening sand? No problem; you found out what *that* looks like." Suddenly, Ken gripped Daisuke grimly.  
  
"What about the ROUS's?"  
  
"Rodents of Unusual Size?" Daisuke scoffed, "I don't think they exist." Which is why he was so incredibly surprised when one leapt onto his shoulder.  
  
***  
  
ROUS's are one of the greatest-feared creatures in the world, but only because they are found in swarms. If one attacks you, it will most likely not kill you. ROUS's will aim only to draw blood, for then, others will be attracted. They can smell blood for miles, and go into a frenzy. In this way, they are like sharks, and are believed to share a common ancestor with these fish.  
  
***  
  
Daisuke grabbed for his sword, screaming as the rodent bit into his arm. The sword was far from his reach, and he could hear other beasts approaching. Suddenly, there was a scream from his adversary, and it rolled off him angrily. Ken was standing there, holding Daisuke's sword menacingly at the ROUS. He swung it angrily, stabbing repeatedly into the beast, until it lay as a still form on the ground. Daisuke hurried over to him, and pulled him into a tight embrace.  
  
"My hero. Now-we have to stop the blood on my shoulder. Put mud, cloth over it, or the ROUS's, they'll frenzy. We have to get away from here before the others get here." Ken gladly ripped his shirt, wrapping the cloth around Daisuke's injury as they continued moving quickly-yet cautiously-towards freedom. "My ship, the Revenge, is waiting for us on the other side of the forest. Once we get there, we'll be scot free." It wasn't quite so simple as that. It took them six hours to trek through the forest, and the first was the easiest. There were other terrifying creatures in the Swamp, and traps of nature that went beyond the deadly lightening sand. However, eventually, they sighted the edge of the forest, and laughed with relief at the sight of sunlight.  
  
***  
  
Daisuke pulled Ken after him, both men dirty, tired, and smeared with more than a little blood. And suddenly, it all fell apart.  
  
"Surrender!" Miyako snapped, standing before the two of them. Daisuke stepped back, pleased.  
  
"You mean you wish to surrender? Very well-"  
  
"Hand over the prince, kidnapper!" Ken paled, grabbing Daisuke's arm. Daisuke glared at the purple-haired princess.  
  
"You know, we can go right back into the Fire Swamp. We know its secrets, and can survive quite well there." Ken started; a dozen men with crossbows aimed their weapons at Daisuke.  
  
"Surrender," Miyako said plainly.  
  
"DEATH FIRST!"  
  
"Will you promise not to hurt him?!" Ken snapped.  
  
"What?""Huh?" Ken stepped forward.  
  
"If I go with you, Miyako, will you promise not to hurt Daisuke? He's a pirate on the ship Revenge, so will you return him?" Miyako smiled.  
  
"May I live a thousand years and never hunt again, if I do not do this for you." Ken turned to Daisuke, tears in his eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I couldn't bear it if you died again. I can live without love; I cannot live knowing I found you only to see you die." He hurried forward, and allowed Miyako to pull him up. She galloped past her second-in-command, Countess Sora, and smiled.  
  
"Take him to the Pit of Despair, and do what you wish," she murmured, and Sora bowed.  
  
"I swear it shall be done." When the royals had left, Sora turned to the brown-eyes man. "We must get you to your ship, Daisuke." Daisuke frowned at her.  
  
"We are people of action; lies do not become us. You plan to kill me; simply say so." Sora smiled at him.  
  
"Quite smart, aren't we?" Suddenly, Daisuke saw the woman's right hand, twitching under a custom-made glove: with SIX FINGERS! And he remembered that Yamato had never seen the face of his father's murderer. "What are you looking at?!" Daisuke smiled.  
  
"I just know someone who was looking for you." The Countess slammed his head with his sword butt, and Daisuke slipped into unconsciousness.  
  
***  
  
'Someone's washing my wounds. Who?' Daisuke's eyes opened, and he saw an albino man washing his shoulder.  
  
"Who are you? Where am I?" The albino coughed.  
  
"The Pit of Despair. Don't even THINK of trying to escape. The chains are unbreakable, and don't imagine someone rescuing you. Only three people know the entrance, which is completely hidden."  
  
"So, am I here until I die?" The albino chuckled.  
  
"Until they kill you, yes." Daisuke smiled sardonically.  
  
"Torture? I can handle it." The albino shook his head.  
  
"Sure, I'll bet you're strong, but no one, NO ONE-goes against...THE MACHINE. By the way, my name's Wallace, and I hope you have no complaints about your treatment here. I'll be back in five."  
  
***  
  
The king died that night, and Miyako and Ken married the next morning. And that afternoon, Ken met them again, this time as the King.  
  
"My people, my father's last words were, 'Love him as I did, and there will be great joy!' And so, I give you, the King, Ken!" There was a fanfare, and the people backed away from their Queen's consort, watching him with respect. And one person booed.  
  
"Boooo! Booooo!"  
  
"Why do you boo?" Ken asked nervously. There was an old crone, glaring at him.  
  
"YOU HAD LOVE IN YOUR HANDS, AND YOU GAVE IT UP FOR GOLD! Love saved you in the Fire Swamp, and you dropped it like garbage! So bow down to the King of Feculence, bow down to the King of Filth and Slime, the King of Muck, the King of Putrescense! Boooooo! Boooooo! Booooo!"  
  
***  
  
Yes, I'm sorry that this chapter is so short, but it's not a long part. Anyway, all honest feedback is appreciated. 


	4. The Sad Part

The...Princess Bride  
Part IV-The Sad Part  
OR  
Yamato Returns!  
OR  
You Don't Call a Place the Pit of Despair If You Plan to Just Keep Prisoners  
  
***  
  
Hello, I'm here with Part IV. As indicated, this is the sad part of the story. More sensitive readers, this part will not be pleasant. Anyway, please remember my guidelines: any feedback is appreciated, and I'll even take flames if they're coherent and cognizant. Thank you, and onward!  
  
***  
  
Ken woke up, sitting straight up in bed, sweat pouring down his face. The king was still alive, and the wedding wasn't for another week. He pulled on a bathrobe and hurried down the hall to Miyako's office.  
  
"It comes to this," he began. "I know that I love Daisuke more than anything, and that if you tell me I must marry you in a week, I will be dead by morning." Miyako glanced up at him, and smiled.  
  
"I didn't know you felt this way. But Ken, are you sure Daisuke still wants you? You, after all, did do the leaving." Ken paused.  
  
"No, he must. He loves me, and nothing will change that." Miyako grinned at him.  
  
"Then, here's an idea. You write a letter to him, and my four fastest ships will set out to find him; the Dread Pirate Gennai is always about Florin this time of year. If he wants you back, then bless the both of you. But if not, please consider me as an alternative to suicide." Ken nodded, and took his leave. And then Miyako caught sight of her head of Florinese security, Jun.  
  
"Milady." Miyako nodded at the woman.  
  
"Jun, I have heard that Guilderian soldiers plan t infiltrate the wedding and kill my husband. I want the greatest security for the wedding. Place as many men at the gate as possible, and lock every other entrance. Understand?" Jun bowed.  
  
"Yes, milady." Miyako sat back, smiling.  
  
***  
  
"Milady, are coming down to the Pit today?" Sora was looking about a large tree in the edge of the Thieve's Forest. Miyako shook her head.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sora."  
  
"I'm starting him on the Machine," Sora said pleadingly. Miyako shook her head again.  
  
"You know I love to see you work, Sora, but I'm swamped. I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to prepare, my husband to murder, and Guilder to blame for it. You know, I thought it would be dramatic when he was found murdered on the Guilderian frontier, but it's going to be so much better when I strangle him on our wedding night. The people really love him, and will demand retribution for his murder. So, I wish you the best of luck." Sora nodded, and pressed the secret knot that opened the door to the Pit of Despair.  
  
"Well, I'll tell you how it goes." Sora then turned to enter the prison.  
  
***  
  
"Hello, Daisuke. I hope you've been enjoying your stay. However, your torture will begin today. You see, I'm quite interested in the nature of pain. In fact, I'm writing a definative work on the subject. So, in a few moments, we're going to hook you up to the machine. Wallace, hook him up." After a few minutes of silence, the albino had attached several suction cups to Daisuke's head, chest, and body. "You see, this is the perfect torture device, and quite painful. I'll start on the lowest level, which is 1." She reached over, and raised a lever up a notch. Water began running, turning a wheel, and Daisuke screamed with the agony of having his heart ripped from his chest. After a few moments, Sora dropped the lever. "I took this design from a French water pump, except instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I just took one year of your life away. How does it feel? And please remember, this is for posterity." Daisuke only had the energy to whimper.  
  
***  
  
Miyako watched Jun enter her study.  
  
"Come here. The Guilderian soldiers have infiltrated the Thieve's Forest. I want it emptied!" Jun blanched.  
  
"But the thieves will resist." Miyako scoffed.  
  
"Then form a brute squad!"  
  
"Milady, I also have done as you asked. Only one gate is opened, and it is locked, the only key laying with me. Fifty men guard it."  
  
"I want it doubled! My husband must be safe!" Suddenly, they turned to see Ken standing there.  
  
"Has Daisuke returned?" Miyako smiled warmly at him.  
  
"Give it time, Ken." Ken nodded. As he left, Miyako turned to Jun. "I want the Thieve's Forest emptied tonight!"  
  
***  
  
"My love, how are you today?" Miyako asked of Ken later. He made an effort to smile at her. "You know, we marry tomorrow. Shouldn't you be excited? *I* am, and the groom usually is also." Ken shrugged.  
  
"I guess."  
  
"Tommorow, at five o'clock, we marry, and then we will be escorted to our honeymoon by every ship in my fleet! Can you imagine that? A romantic honeymoon in Puerto Rico! Protected by every ship I own!"  
  
"Every ship but your four fastest, you mean."  
  
"Huh?" Miyako was wrapped up in her dream.  
  
"Every ship but your four fastest, the ones you sent after Daisuke." Miyako paled, but then nodded.  
  
"Of course, naturally not THOSE four."  
  
"You lie. But it doesn't matter; he will come." Miyako sneered.  
  
"You are a silly child, who believes in true love and romance." Ken glared at her.  
  
"Yes, I am a silly person, but I believe that Daisuke will know and come for me, because we are joined by love, a love you can't break, which your cowardly heart can't track or understand! And when I saw you are a coward, it is because you are the lowest, most evil and despicable creature ever to walk the face of the earth!" Miyako's eyes flared, and she grabbed the man by the arm.  
  
"I would not say such things if I were you!" She dragged him down the hall to his room, and locked him in. Then, she ran out of the castle to the Pit of Despair. She placed her hands to the side of Daisuke's head, and shot daggers through her eyes.  
  
"You truly love him, and he loves you as well, Daisuke, and you might have been truly happy together. Not one couple in a *century* has that chance, no matter what the stories say. Which is why no man will ever suffer as much as you." Having made her speech, Miyako stormed over to the Machine, and pulled the lever.  
  
"No! NOT TO 50!!" Miyako stared in grim satisfaction as Daisuke convulsed in the greatest pain imaginable. She left the machine on, listening to the screams of the dying man with sadistic pleasure. After the noise died away, she left the Machine on for another minute, and then turned it off.  
  
"Wallace, dispose of the body. Sora, come along, we have a wedding to prepare."  
  
***  
  
The Brute Squad cleared out the Thieve's Forest that day, and soon it was empty, except...  
  
"Jun, there's a blond Spaniard giving us trouble!" Jun looked at the lackey, and smiled.  
  
"Come, Taichi, you and I will handle this. Everyone else, get the other thieves into the jail." She stormed over to an old inn where Yamato was standing, waving his sword at anyone that spoke to him.  
  
"Koushiro, when things went wrong, you said to go back to the beginning, so I'm here now, back at the beginning. I'm waiting for you, Koushiro!" Jun smiled predatorily at him.  
  
"All right, I'll take this one in for 'questioning.' Taichi, subdue him." The strong man glared at Jun, and threw her aside. He ran to Yamato's side.  
  
"Yamato, are you all right?" He had been completely alone since Koushiro's death, having both seen the man's corpse, and seen that the man in black had killed Yamato. His depair had threatened to consume him, but now-! "Come on, we need to get you some food and rest." Taichi helped Yamato get back on his feet, got him sober, and then told him about Koushiro's death, and of the existence of the six-fingered countess. Finally:  
  
"All right, all right, so how do I get to Sora?" Taichi shook his head.  
  
"It's no good, Yamato. She's in the castle, and they're guarding it for the wedding. There's fifty men guarding the only working entrance." Yamato shook his head.  
  
"I can't plan this; Koushiro always did the planning."  
  
"What about the man in black?" Taichi asked. Yamato stared at the brunette, and then kissed the man on the lips.  
  
"You're a genius! He bested me at steel, he bested you at strength, and he must have out-thought Koushiro!"  
  
"But we don't know where he is!" Taichi protested. Yamato turned on him.  
  
"After eighteen years, my father will be avenged, and you bother me with trifles!" The stormed into the Forest, and then into the city itself. And that's when they heard the scream. "That's him!" Yamato shouted. Taichi stared at him.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"That is the sound of Ultimate Suffering. My heart made it when Sora slaughtered my father, his makes it now."  
  
"But why-?"  
  
"His true love marries another in less than a day! What other cause is there for Ultimate Suffering?" And then Yamato found he could not get through the crowds. "Please move, it's very important, please-Taichi!"  
  
"Everybody-MOVE!!!" Yamato had always been surprised at the strength of Taichi's lungs, but now was not the time.  
  
***  
  
The scream died away, and Yamato entered a small grove of trees. And there was an albino pushing a cart. He dashed over to the man, and held his sword to his throat.  
  
"Where is the man in black?"  
  
"Who?" Yamato was impatient. He turned to Taichi.  
  
"Jog his memory." With a thump on the head, the albino collapsed.  
  
"Oops. I didn't mean to jog it so hard," Taichi explained. "Yamato, what are you doing?" Yamato was kneeling in the clearing, his sword raised high.  
  
"Father, there is a man somewhere nearby who can help us, a man who can help me defeat the six-fingered noble. But I need your help; I cannot do it alone!" As he spoke, the sword began to move in the air, as if by itself. Yamato followed it, slowly, unsteadily, walking with more and more confidence-until it ran into a tree. "Damn it! So close, and now..." He let his head fall against a knot in the tree.  
  
"Yamato-" Yamato didn't look up at Taichi's voice.  
  
"What?"  
  
"There's a door there..." Yamato glanced up, and saw the secret door in the tree open.  
  
***  
  
Taichi placed his head against Daisuke's chest, and then lifted his head sadly.  
  
"Yamato, he's dead."  
  
***  
  
I'm sorry for the cliffhanger, but...it's too perfect a spot. I really would appreciate an honest review, and please don't fill the feedback with profanities aimed at me for ending this part where I did. Thank you, and until next time- 


	5. The Wedding

The...Princess Bride  
Part V: Takeru the Mircale Man  
Or  
Wedding Crashers and Vengeful Spaniards  
OR  
Meet Iori the Bishop  
  
***  
  
Yeah, hello, I started this right after I finished Part IV, because I know you want to see this finished. So, without any further ado, the conclusion to: "The Princess Bride!"  
  
***  
  
"Dead? You can't be serious. I can't have gotten this far just to fail. Ishidas have never given up until there's nothing left to hope for! Have you got money, Taichi?"  
  
"65. Why?"  
  
"I just hope it's enough to buy a miracle. Bring the body with us."  
  
***  
  
*knock knock knock!* The door opened a crack, and a prematurely-aged face glared out.  
  
"Who is it?!" Yamato stared at him.  
  
"Takeru? Is it true you worked for the king as a miracle man all those years?" The man glared at Yamato.  
  
"And then the king's stinking daughter fired me! Thanks a lot, Yamato, for not visiting me for twelve years, and then bringing up such a painful subject. Why don't you just give me a paper cut and squeeze lemon juice on it!" The door slammed closed, but Yamato kept knocking. "What?!"  
  
"Takeru, I need your help."  
  
"Why do you want me to help? I'll probably kill whoever you want me to miracle!"  
  
"Listen, Takeru, we're family, and besides, he's already dead." Takeru was quiet for a moment.  
  
"All right; bring him in." When Daisuke's body had been lain on the table, Takeru gave him a quick look-over. "I've seen worse. All right, how much ya' got for this job?" Yamato shook his head.  
  
"We've got 65, TK."  
  
"Pshaw! I never did a job for so little. Except once, and that was for a very noble cause."  
  
"This is a noble cause. His children, they're hungry, his wife sick, he needs to-"  
  
"Yamato, you've never been a good liar." Yamato slammed his hands on the table.  
  
"I need him to avenge our father's death. He alone can help us!" Takeru glanced at the corpse, and scoffed.  
  
"Your first story was better. He probably owes you money, right?" He grabbed a bellows, and placed it in Daisuke's mouth.  
  
"What're you doing? He's dead." Takeru began to pump the bellows.  
  
"Oh, look at you, Mr. Vengence suddenly knows so much! For your information, he's only *mostly* dead, which means he's slightly alive. So now I'll pump his body full of air and ask him why he needs to live." He put the bellows aside. "HELLO IN THERE! HEY! WHAT'S UP HERE THAT'S WORTH LIVING FOR?" There was a long pause, and Yamato had just about given up hope when:  
  
"Tttttt-ruuuuuu lovvvvvve."  
  
"There! True love! You can't ask for a more noble cause!" Takeru smiled.  
  
"Yamato, there really is nothing better than true love, except maybe a good MLT, mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwhich, where the mutton is nice and lean, and the lettuce is crisp, mmmm...but that's not what he said! He quite clearly said 'to blaaave,' which means 'to bluff,' so you were playing cards and he cheated-"  
  
"LIAR! LIAR! True love, he said true LOVE, TK! Ever since Miyako fired you, your confidence has been shot!"  
  
"Get back, witch!" Takeru was trying to push a brown-haired woman back from him.  
  
"I'm not a witch, I'm your wife, but after what you just said, I don't want to be *that,* anymore! TK, you're letting this man sit there dead, and you don't have the decency to tell them why you won't do it! It's Miyako; she made him think he can't help anyone anymore." Takeru glared at her.  
  
"Hikari, you promised never to mention that name!"  
  
"What, Miyako? Miyako, Miyako, Miyako!"  
  
"LALALALALA! I;m not listening!"  
  
"This man is Ken's love! If you bring him back, you'll stop Miyako's wedding!" Takeru's hands dropped.  
  
"I bring him back, Miyako suffers?"  
  
"Humiliations galore!"  
  
"Give me the 65, I'll do it!"  
  
***  
  
"The chocolate makes it go down easier," Hikari explained, handing them the pill in a small bag.  
  
"You need to wait 15 minutes for full potency, and you can't go swimming for at least-"  
  
"An hour."   
  
"Thank you," Yamato said. "I'll remember this on your birthday."  
  
"Bye now, have fun storming the castle?"  
  
"Honestly, TK, do you think it'll work?"  
  
"It'd take a miracle."  
  
***  
  
"Has it been 15 minutes yet?" Yamato shrugged his shoulders.  
  
"It has to be long enough. Open his mouth, I'm going to force-feed him." With a kiss to the pill, Yamato pushed it down Daisuke's throat. There was an apprehensive moment.  
  
"Who are you? I'll take the two of you! Where am I? Where's Ken?" Yamato raised a hand.  
  
"Let me explain. No, let me sum up. Ken will get married in a little less than half an hour, and I have to get into the castle, stop the wedding, get out, leaving time for me to kill Sora."  
  
"Ah. What are our liabilities?"  
  
"There is only one castle gate, and it is guarded by 100 men."  
  
"Our assets?"  
  
"Your brains, Taichi's strength, and my steel."  
  
"Impossible. Maybe if I had a month, I could come up with something, but this?" He wiggled his finger absently.  
  
"Hey, you wiggled a finger. That's wonderful!" Daisuke managed to turn his head to the brunette.  
  
"My brains, your strength, and his steel against a hundred men, and you think a finger wiggle is supposed to make me happy? I mean, if only we had a wheelbarrow..."  
  
"Taichi, where'd we put the wheelbarrow the albino had?"  
  
"Over the albino, I think."  
  
"Why didn't you list that in our assets?! What wouldn't I give for a holocaust cloak!"  
  
"We can't help you there, Daisuke." Then Taichi pulled a holocaust cloak from his shirt. "Where'd you get that?"  
  
"I tried it on at Takeru's, and it fit so well he let me keep it."  
  
"Well then, we've got something to work with!"  
  
***  
  
The wedding was beginning, and Ken and Miyako were kneeling before the altar. A short man glided up to the altar, wearing a priest's clothing. The music died away, and he began to speak.  
  
"Mawwige. Mawwige is what bwings us togevvah-today."  
  
"Stand your ground, men, stand your ground!"  
  
***  
  
The towering figure glided towards the guards, shouting at them.  
  
"I am the Dream Pirate Gennai, and I leave no survivors. I am here, you are here, but soon, you will not be here. I am the Dread Pirate Gennai, and I am here for your SOULS!" At the last word, Yamato lit the cloak Taichi was wearing, and the flaming figure advanced towards them. "I am the Dread Pirate Gennai, and there will be NO survivors!" The men scattered, leaving Jun, who fled for the gate. Taichi threw off the burning cloak, and Yamato dragged Daisuke after him.  
  
"The portcullis!" Taichi grabbed the falling gate, and opened it. The three of them crowded in after Jun. "Where's the gate key?" Yamato demanded of her.  
  
"What gate key?" she asked sweetly, batting her eyes at him.  
  
"Sorry, I'm taken. Taichi, rip her arms off."  
  
"Oh, this gate key?" She ran off, leaving the three to open the door.  
  
***  
  
"And wuv, TWUU wuv, will follow you foreveh and foreveh." Miyako nodded to Sora, who gathered five soldiers to follow her towards the gate.  
  
"Skip to the end!" he demanded.  
  
"Daisuke's coming," Ken said confidently.  
  
"No he isn't! I killed him myself!" Ken grinned.  
  
"Then why is there fear in you eyes?"  
  
"Skip to the END!"  
  
"Have you da ring?"  
  
***  
  
Taichi was dragging Daisuke (who had regained the use of most of his upper body) after him, and Yamato held a sword. Suddenly, six soldiers appeared, one a woman with six fingers on her right hand.  
  
"Kill the dark one and the Spaniard. Leave the brunette for-erm-questioning." However, Yamato dispatched them with ease. And then, he posed in a sighting stance.  
  
"Hello, my name is Ishida Yamato. You killed my father. Prepare to die." Sora raised her sword...and fled down the corridor. She ran around a corner, and dashed through a passage, locking a door after her. Yamato slammed himself into the door. "Taichi, I need you! She's escaping! Tai!" Taichi looked around nervously, and hung him over a suit of armor. He ran in, and slammed his hand into the door, splintering it. "Thank you, Tai!" And then Taichi returned to the hall. Except Daisuke was gone.  
  
"Daisuke? Are you there?"  
  
***  
  
"Dat dream witin a dweam..."  
  
"Skip to the end!"  
  
"Dat eternal bond..."  
  
"Say man and WIFE! Say man and WIFE!"  
  
"...Man and wife." Miyako shoved Ken over to her parents.  
  
"Take him to the honeymoon suite, I have to accomplish a few things." As they proceeded down the hall, Ken kissed Jyou on the cheek.  
  
"What was that for?"  
  
"I-you've always been so kind to me, treating me like a son, and I won't be seeing you again, as I'm killing myself once I get to the honeymoon suite." Jyou nodded, and then spoke to his wife.  
  
"He likes me! He thinks I'm like a father!"  
  
***  
  
Sora smiled, pulling a throwing knife from her boot before entering the Great Hall. She hurried to the far end, and readied her arm. And then Yamato ran in, and Sora flung the knife at his stomach.  
  
"Ach!" Yamato slid against the wall in anguish. "I'm sorry, Father...I tried."  
  
"My, you must be that little Spanish brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. Have you followed me all these years, only to fail now? That must be the most pathetic thing I've ever heard. How wonderful." Yamato shoved his hand into his wound, first removing the knife. Then, he started pulling himself up the wall.  
  
"Hello...my name...is Ishida...Yamato. You...killed my...father. Prepare...to die."  
  
"My God, are you still trying to win?" She waltzed over, and stabbed forward with her sword. A sword lanced out, and the sword struck Yamato's left shoulder.   
  
"Hello, my name is Ishida...Yamato. You killed my father. Prepare to die." She tried again, and the sword pierced his left arm. "Hello! My name is Ishida Yamato. You killed my father, prepare to die!" He stormed forward, slicing at her. "Hello! My name is Ishida Yamato! You killed my father! Prepare...to die!"  
  
"Stop *saying* that!"  
  
"HELLO! MY NAME IS ISHIDA YAMATO! YOU KILLED MY FATHER! PREPARE TO DIE!" He sliced two marks across her cheeks, and she fell back, dropping her sword. "Promise me money!"  
  
"Yes, I'll give you money!" He stabbed her left arm and shoulder.  
  
"Power, too. promise that!"  
  
"All I have and more!"  
  
"Promise me anything I want!"  
  
"Anything you ask!"  
  
"I want my father back, you bitch!" With one stab, she was impaled upon the six-fingered sword, and dead.  
  
***  
  
Ken sat down in his room, and pulled out a knife. He pointed it to his heart, and readied for a stab.  
  
"You know, I've been killed earlier today, and I'd hate to have to kill myself after you." He dropped the knife, and turned to stare at Daisuke laying on the bed.  
  
"Daisuke!" He ran over, and threw himself on his love, kissing him all over. "How are you, dearest?"  
  
"Gently, gently."  
  
"What, I've found you again, and all you can say is 'gently?'"  
  
"Gently!"  
  
"Daisuke, I'm sorry, I got married, I didn't mean to!"  
  
"Never happened. You didn't say I do, did you?"  
  
"No, we sort of skipped that part."  
  
"How nice, don't you agree, your highness?"  
  
"I killed you too quickly last time, a mistake I shall remedy. To the death!"  
  
"Or I could just have Ken here tie you up, and we could cut off your nose." Miyako paused.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm only laying here because I lack the strength to stand, but I could, after all, kill you here." He pushed himself up on the bedpost, and raised his blade. "Drop...your...sword." Miyako did so. "Ken, tie him up." Ken hurried to comply, and suddenly, a wounded Yamato stumbled in. Daisuke slumped suddenly, and Yamato caught him.  
  
"Here, Ken, you can hold him."  
  
"But why-?"  
  
"He's been mostly dead all day."  
  
"Aha! I knew he was-erk!" Miyako swallowed at the sword on her throat.  
  
"Shall I kill her?"  
  
"No. Let her live with her cowardice."  
  
"Wait a minute. Where's Taichi?"  
  
"Oh god, that baka. He had to get lost."  
  
"Hello? Yamato?" They opened the window to the room, and saw Taichi leading four horses. "Hi! I got lost, and found the stables, and found four white horses, and figured there's four of us, oh, hi, Ken! Anyway, here I am!" Taichi smiled.  
  
"God, Taichi, you thought for yourself. I just hope I can properly thank you!" When the three of them had leapt to the ground, caught by Taichi, they mounted the horses. And as the sun rose-  
  
***  
  
*BEEP BEEP BEEP*  
  
"Aw!" Daisuke slammed his alarm clock under his hand, and rolled over onto Chibimon.  
  
"Daishuke!"  
  
"Oops, sorry!" Daisuke crawled from his bed, and looked at the clock.  
  
"Six-thirty? Oh...it's a Saturday!" And then Daisuke remembered his dream. He blushed, and then began to actually think about it. The feelings he had felt towards Ken in that dream...they felt so real, and Daisuke had to admit, he really liked Ken..He grabbed his phone.  
  
"Hello? Oh, Ichijouji-san? Yes, I know what time it is, but I have to talk to Ken." There was a pause, and then a tired Ken came on.  
  
"Daisuke-kun? What is this?"  
  
"Listen, Ken, I have to talk to you, in the park, as soon as possible, all right?"  
  
"'kay."  
  
***  
  
Daisuke was sitting on a park bench, grinning nervously. When Ken appeared, he was nearly bursting.  
  
"What's so important, Daisuke?"  
  
"You see, Ken, I had a drea last night, and it showed me some things I should have noticed before. You see, we were all reecacting the Princess Bride, that movie you made me watch last night..."  
  
"Who was Humperdink?"  
  
"Sora. But-"  
  
"And who was Wesley?"  
  
"Me. But-"  
  
"And I suppose Hikari was Buttercup." Ken's voice radiated hurt and disappointment.  
  
"No, actually, she was Valerie. You see, Ken, Buttercup was played by-you." Ken glanced up at him.  
  
"Well, that's why you don't eat burritos at 10 o'clock." Ken sounded like he was trying to convince himself of something.  
  
"No, Ken, you see...I love you. Ai shiteru." And he leaned forward and kissed the shocked, blue-haired genius on the lips.  
  
***  
  
Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that ranked the highest on passion, purity, and duration. They were agreed to be the five perfect kisses. This one left them all behind.  
  
***  
  
Done! In case you didn't remember, this story began with Daisuke dreaming, so I had to end it with him waking up! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, because I enjoyed writing it. Ja!  
-Marduk 


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